Upward facing Dog

After joining what I deem as a brilliant yet soul destroying website entitled Calorie Counter, I very quickly discovered celery and Yoga. Like many others, I would imagine - I genuinely never realised doing 'some stretching' was such hard work.

Feeling eager, I placed my mat at the front, smack-bang in the middle. When the micro-phoned woman at the front gave the first command of 'reach down and touch your toes', I was pretty horrified at the fact that myself, at the age of 21 - supposedly 'young and full of life', barely made it passed my shins. As the fear crept in that this may be an example of one of those 'it's much harder than it looks' situations, I began to regret any and all of the times I had fleetingly dismissed general exercise in exchange for ' a quick nap' or 'a nice sit down'.

As I looked around the men and women in the hall - when I should have been deep in concentration in 'Warrior One' stance (no, I don't know what it means either), I had hoped to see a few more flushed faces, instead the front row of advanced Yoga goers went from Lunge to Pyramid stance with bothersome ease. Nevertheless I continued, grateful for the fact that when caught by the instructors eye she found it necessary to remind all who were struggling (me) to 'go at our own pace'. Easy for her to say.

Despite our differences I now go to Yoga every Friday, and although my toes still lie slightly out of reach, it is my wish that exercise and I will one day be friends.

Some Harsh Truths

As a student myself I can say, hand on heart, all of this is true.

A Famous Face

A first draft of a short story that I was potentially going to use for my last assignment, shame for it to go to waste I say.

“Next”
I don’t know which is worse – lining up with a hundred girls all doused in Chanel no.5 or having to sit in a room fragranced by several hours of smoking Montecristo’s.
“Name?”
“Dougherty”
“ And what do you do?”
“Sorry?”
“Talents – y’know, music, singing – What do you do?”
“Yes – I mean, I sing, a bit an-”
“-Great, sing me a song”
“What shou-“
“Anything, sing me the song on the radio”
A faint tune from the reception radio crept under the door. The voice was unmistakeable yet my mind blanked all necessary information from me. The man sighed checking his watch.
“Stand”
“What?”
“Stand up - take off your coat”
I watched as he re-arranged himself on the hard wooden seat. As he looked me up and down I smoothed the collar of my dress.
“How old are you?”
“Eighteen”
“Hm”
As he paused I heard the radio again. Nat King Cole.
“No”
“I’m sorry?”
“No. Look-“
“Norma”
“Look Norma, pretty face, nice figure…”
‘…Straighten up and fly right, cool down, papa, don't you blow your top…’
“…More makeup and change the name”
“Name? Yes-no I have one”
“Yeah?”
“Marilyn”
“Marilyn what?”
“Monroe”
“Better. Next”

My Pedometer reading is high! Many of my footsteps this year have been the first of many - including this - my first Blog.

Currently harrassing my Creative Writing Lecturers via Twitter (another first) and trying to organise my brain somewhat for the weekend ahead. This evening is the wonderful 'Gagging for Attention' at The Cookie Jar performing in Dave's Leicester Comedy Festival. A good watch to prepare myself for my up-coming audition this Sunday in London for Chortle Student Comedy Awards 2012. After this there's no time for a breather as I come back to Leicester and take part as one of the many up-coming commedians doing a set at Alice in the Looking Glass.

That's me as I am now - slightly un-edited and rushed, but nevertheless, here.

The Calm before the 'Comedy Storm'...

Tomorrow I have three minutes to make a crowd full of other comedians - with probably a heck load more experience than me, laugh.

So I've got 'just one question' - Columbo Style. Which of these three topics should I pick to talk about during these three minutes? Now, before I say this I would like to remind you all that this is for comedy purposes, so try and see the funny side yeah? Topic one: My idea for Dragons Den on how to catch Paedophiles, Topic two: A drunk man faced with two lesbians, and Topic three: The fact my mum shaved my head when I was 7, leading neighbours and school teachers alike to believe I had Leukaemia. I think you'll agree when I say it is definitely a tough one.